raw nerve

by gladie

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1.
Long for things to feel cinematic but most of the time they’re not. You’re starin at a fresh scratch of ticket in your truck in the grocery store parking lot. Saying maybe this time I’ll win, maybe this time I’ll win, maybe this time. Hoping maybe this time I’ll win, maybe this time I’ll win, maybe this time. Thinking maybe this time I’ll win, maybe this time I’ll win, maybe this time. You have a new nurse. She has kind eyes and she always calls you hun. In the real world you’d hate it but the real world don't feel, feel much like this one. She said “unclench your fist, you're all good to go we’ll find a solution. The doctor will call, we'll explain it all. Please wait in the lobby” Prayin maybe this time I’ll win, maybe this time I’ll win, maybe this time. hoping maybe this time I’ll win, maybe this time I’ll win, maybe this time. thinking maybe this time I’ll win, maybe this time I’ll win, maybe this time. Saying maybe this time I’ll win, maybe this time I’ll win, maybe this time. There’s a certain risk we tolerate that nothings up to you. We surrender to accommodate like all sane people do. All sane people do. Thinkin maybe this time I’ll win, maybe this time I’ll win, maybe this time. Prayin maybe this time I’ll win, maybe this time I’ll win, maybe this time. Hopin maybe this time I’ll win, maybe this time I’ll win, maybe this time. Sayin’ maybe this time I’ll win, maybe this time I’ll win, maybe this time.
2.
no call list 03:32
I was dumbstruck when I saw you. Wanted to clench up till I was see through. At this point it’s timed precisely. I think you only re appear when I am happy. I was sick at just the thought of it. The way my mind distorts your face and in the morning the spell is broken. There’s not a single thing that’s healthy in this place. There’s not a single thing that’s living in this place. Now the air tastes like smoke and the ground is frozen and I can’t concentrate when your mouth is open. Am I a raw nerve? Did I deserve it? You bottled it in hopes you can preserve it. You bottled it in hopes you can preserve it. At this point I could write a hefty dissertation of all the ways I tried to understand your motivation. I scrutinized every line but I can’t grasp it. At this point I’ve been running my mind thinking bout all the half truths, the wake you left behind. I memorized it’s underlined but I can’t grasp it. If you say something long enough like I know you do. You start to believe, to believe that it’s true. If you say something long enough like I know you do, are you talking to me or are you talking to you? Are you talking to me or are you talking to you? Now the air tastes like ash and the ground is frozen and I can’t move on with this chapter open. Am I raw nerve? Did I deserve it? You bottled it in hopes you can preserve it. You bottled it in hopes you can preserve it.
3.

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released December 4, 2020

recorded by matt & gus at the bunk in henryville, pa
mixed by matt

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gladie Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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